Thursday, April 7, 2011

Of Body of Brain.

I have always held the belief that what I have not been given in body, I have been given in brain. My endowment is not in cleavage, but in cerebral faculties. My curvy canyon road could closer be described as buxom, than could my figure. I may have been an awkward duckling for most of my life, but gosh darn it, I have always been able to think. And if I could only have one or the other, I always reasoned that in the bargain of brains and bodies, I got the best end of the deal.

Men like curves, I am told. Now I am told. And, I am told by a man. A real man. The information is accurate. A reliable source. This is encouraging to me and I am thankful for him, as I am in the very peculiar place of a woman trying her hardest to gain weight (I have gained 36 pounds in the past 3 years, you see, and am still barely 116 lbs.). They even like a little layer of fat, I am reassured. Softens things. Wait...say what? Crazy, right? I know. So, I've been wondering, what's the deal with the rail thin models, actresses, sex symbols? The "epitomies of femininity" which we are shown and we are told we should be. Tell me. And also, please tell me how women are supposed to be thin and yet have large breasts and butts (which are made up of fat, you know! Lose the fat, lose the figure). Oh yes, that is right...there are implants.

Everything is possible...

Women's usual reliable intuition runs counter when it comes to our bodies. We betray ourselves. Biologically, it makes sense that males identify fat with health with fertility. You know those paintings of the women of the Renaissance? They are "fat" by today's standard (surely above the National Institute of Health's BMI). But their body showed that they were being taken care of. They were, and could be, fruitful -- in many ways. They were well off. Satiated. Satisfied. And now, I begin to wonder about this change in beauty. I wonder...is it a subconscious shift?  

We know not what we do...

Social structures change beauty, which change expectations, which change lives. Only, our instincts are lagging behind modern brains...that is, as a culture, we don't want children anymore. Rather, we don't need to want them. We don't need them to run farms, to labor, to carry on our tribe and defend our territory. We can be individuals. But here is the rub of it -- we now have more of a cult mentality than the tribes, and dynasties, and Manorialism of ages past. Our culture is turning into a hive of identical individuals, sticking together with an annoying buzzzz. Can we have some new and different pollen... please?

And thus, we exist in diremptionous decades. Instincts lead us to desire that which we no longer need. But this loss, this change --- is freeing. It frees fat. And, we've become obsessed with losing it. Yet, in the process of losing it, we are also losing, if not have already lost......satiety. For all we have lost, what have we gained?

I have not been a Woman of the Renaissance. Or, perhaps I was --- but, I was the servant starving in the fields of wheat. And now, my body begins to show otherwise. Truthfully? It feels weird. I have hips. I have breasts again. I had forgotten. My belly has shape. It isn't completely flat or concave as it once was...there is actually food in it. And feeling food, feeling full...is strange; and, often uncomfortable. I struggle. I don't feel light. I don't feel that I can disappear anymore...

...I feel the weight of life. And sometimes, I just want to lose it.

But then again, that would be mentally melding -- sticking to the hive -- now wouldn't it...

9 comments:

  1. Bravo, Block! This one hits upon many points of today's superficial societal expectations; much based upon quasi-beauty and hollow attraction.

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  2. Everyone has a unique idea about beauty. Forget playboy, cosmo and BMI. They are not me.

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  3. Oh yeah... we Block girls are Renaissance women, always have been, and we feast on pollen unknown to most in the "hive".
    Nice post Erin. IPOY! Touche!

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  4. P.S. I like the healthy rounding that is occurring.
    Mama Yak

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  5. Substance above fluff = brains above physical beauty, buxomness, schizoid, narcissistic, etc.

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  6. Tim - Many thanks!

    Clif - ah, that is the thing of it, eh? Beauty should be unique. Even cut-out cookies are a bit rough around the edges...

    sgb - Ha! I think most people wonder what the heck kind of pollen I am eating. CRAZY pollen! I like the "rounding" too...

    Cofisher - "substance above fluff" -- I like it! True stuff!

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  7. And to all you men who commented, women everywhere thank you for backing Brains! :)

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  8. Oh. You have brains, too!? And I thought you were just such a lovely hottie!

    DoM

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  9. I agree, I agree, I agree. But while the wealthy of times past used their fat as one of the ways to display their good fortunes, they were probably not as healthy as their hard working servants.

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